The Nationwide Legalization Of Prostitution In The United States sign now

For those of us in the United States of America who follow current events, the news of our times can be very troubling. Terrorism, immigration issues, economic uncertainty, public discontent with congress and the White House, foreign affairs issues, skyrocketing divorce rates, the war on drugs, a huge percentile of the populous that has no medical coverage, and war plague our nation. With these daily topics of discussion, its no wonder depression and apathy are at an all time high on a national scale.

Anyone can present you with problems. Anyone can identify things that are wrong. But complaining all day while watching the world crumble around you is weak and pathetic. What we would like to do, if you will give us a few moments of your reading time, is present you with a solution to all of these problems. The United States can cure the entire nation of its problems with a simple and profitable program, and get back to the life, liberty, and happiness that we are all entitled to.

The program we are referring to is the nationwide legalization, taxation, and regulation of prostitution. I will prove to you with facts, logic, and a little bit of common sense how prostitution is the cure for all of the national concerns of the United States. Now, before we explain the direct results of prostitution on national concerns, please allow us to explain some simple, local effects that will have a trickling effect on the greater issues.

The first local effect would be the reduction of greed. What is it that causes a man to want more and more material gain? Why would someone fight tooth and nail, and even resort to crime and unethical practices to profit, even when his basic needs and wants have been met? Simple: sexual frustration. A man is happy with a secure and comfortable home, a few cool toys, and a full belly. After that, the only thing lacking is the affection of a female. With easily accessible prostitution, a man would no longer have to spend the remaining sweat of his brow to impress young ladies with trinkets, fine apparel, and fancy gifts. He could simply scratch the itch of instinct with the services of a prostitute, and get back to watching the highlights on ESPN.

This brings us to the next local effect of prostitution: the strengthening of the American family. If prostitution were legal, a mans wife would no longer be apt to nag him into insanity, ignore his sexual needs, sit on the couch stuffing her face with pastries all day, and allow herself to become a body double for a manatee. Instead, she would become motivated to keep her husbands satisfied. She would keep herself in good physical condition, dressed up pretty, and keep that lovely smile on her face. If she didnt, her man would simply get himself serviced on the way home from work by a thin, attractive, 21 year old brunette for 50 bucks.

Either way, the man would be happier and more likely to get involved in family activities. This restored family involvement would result in better parenting. Children, whose fathers were now upbeat and happy, would be better disciplined and get more out of their education. Sexually satisfied men would spend less money on alcohol, tobacco, digital entertainment, and other vices. This would solve a percentage of the nations medical insurance issues. This would also result in a bigger amount of money per household that would be invested in the stock market, and more money saved for our nations childrens college funds.

As you can see, the small and local problems that would be cured by legal prostitution are staggering. Now I will get into some more indirect results, most of which will cure the nations top issues. Notice how prostitutions positive results will have a trickling effect from personal to societal scale.

The first and most controversial problem facing the United States is clearly Islamic terrorism. After the United States and several of our allied nations were attacked on numerous occasions, all of politics has literally been turned upside down. Prostitution would curtail this issue on our soil in a number of ways. First of all, if prostitution were legal these middle-eastern muslims would not want to die. Instead, they would find that with a small amount of money they could experience sexual intercourse even though they smell like sheep urine. Furthermore, the oil tycoons and the GOP would be so busy having sex, they would stop encroaching, raping, and generally angering the Arab world. With this absence of aggression against these nations, our foreign affairs problems would correct themselves naturally. Then the muslims would direct their insanity at the French instead, which would be an added bonus.

Another terrible issue facing the United States is the national deficit. Prostitution is a certain cure for this. The massive amount of tax dollars produced by regulated and taxed prostitution would be a tremendous help to our national budget. This would eliminate any chance of unemployment, and relieve us of unemployment based social programs, since anyone can spread their cheeks. Also, left wing politicians who constantly make up pointless social programs to buy power would be having sex constantly. This means they would be happier, more relaxed, and they would start debating issues to win votes rather than handing out tax dollars to worthless people. Naturally the budget would get further relief from this. Prostitution would assist further by an increased in capital gains from our previously discussed increase in middle class stock investments.

The current healthcare system in the USA is obviously in need of repair. Millions go without medical coverage, but do all of the uninsured have genetic defects and cancer that require insurance? Americans are quick to medicate, but dont like to face the facts of WHY they are sick. Depression, diabetes, obesity, asthma, digestive problems, vascular issues, heart conditions, lung problems, chronic infections, arthritis, and osteoporosis are all issues that have years of research pointing to one common source: a lack of physical fitness and healthy diet. Prostitution would get all adults off of the couch and into the gym. Housewives would need to look good for their husbands to keep them home. Single women would need to look better than hookers to get a husband. Hookers would need to look great to make any decent money. Men would be in awesome condition from copulating with women all the time. Americans would be healthier in general, and the need for medical care would be exponentially reduced.

Other issues that create a vast amount of debate are non-secular issues. Abortion, embryonic stem cell research, school prayer, gay marriage, and many other issues cause massive outrage in the religious sects of society. Prostitution would outrage these idiots so badly that it would distract them from the other issues, and save EVERYONE from having to listen to the same ludicrous garbage over and over. Sure, they would still whine like little crybabies about scientific and societal progress, but at least prostitution discussions would break up the monotony. Plus, half of the religious guys would secretly be banging hookers when their fat loudmouthed wives werent looking, and therefore would be less involved with the picketing.

Finally, the biggest problem that this country is suffering from is a lack of patriotism and an overall apathy of the citizens. We feel that our citizens lack of outrage for our entirely unsecured borders stems from this apathy. All of the positive effects of prostitution we just listed would combine to fill everyones heart with pride and love for our great nation, just like we had in the 1940s. This would cause people to get involved, everyone would want to defend our awesome country, and you would find that our immigration issues would be put at the top of our priorities where they should be.

As you can see, prostitution is the most viable solution for our nations problems. Please join us in saving our great nation from itself, and please contact your local and state representatives to remind them of the simple truths that are right in front of their faces. Thank you.

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Neil LeBy:
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